Living in the Shadows
by kusanosakura
Summary: Remus is in mourning for Sirius and relieves his past with the man he loved. Will his memories remind him that he is worthy of love? Slight prequel to Undeniable.
1. Prologue

Title: Living in the shadows

Pairing: SiriusxRemus

Fandom : HP

Notes: Obviously I don't own HP…if I had…well there would have been Draco and Harry in the end and not Harry and Ginny.

Prologue

Remus lay in his room in the basement of Sirius's house, Grimmauld Place. He had woken up after his first transformation after losing Sirius. He had been his closest friend, losing him not once but twice hurt…

He curled up on the stone floor and cried, he knew that Nymphadora Tonks had adored her cousin after finding out he wasn't a traitor. He wasn't blind enough to realize she didn't have feelings for him too…

He silently sobbed for his mate, his wolf had been particularly brutal last night. He woke battered and nearly broken. Both him and his wolf wished they had died with Sirius. Padfoot had been his first love, they had started to mend their relationship after he'd learned the truth of Peter's betrayal. His wolf had refused to believe that his mate would do something so horrible, he had been torn in two. His human heart had wanted to fall apart because of the lost of Sirius but his wolf wanted to tear the Azkaban guards to shreds and break Padfoot out.

How did it come to this? Why had he received this curse? He wanted to fix this…he wanted Padfoot to come back to lull his wolf back to submission. Only Sirius wasn't afraid to watch him transform; Peter stopped coming for a while after seeing him transform. James had been terrified for him but Sirius had accepted it. He knew it hurt Padfoot to see him like that but it was something that couldn't be changed.

Remus lay practically naked on the cold stone floor, his body aching as bad as his heart, no one ever loved him like Sirius did. How could he live without his mate? This time…it was for good, Sirius couldn't come back…

He wanted Sirius…he wailed, it came out as sad wolf song…a howl of pain…

Nymphadora Tonks sobbed, she had fallen for Remus knowing he was her cousin's mate. She had been willing to step aside for Sirius but now he was gone. Very few knew that they had been a couple, she clutched the letter in her hand.

'Dear Tonks,

If you are reading this I'm dead…I am sorry…

Hopefully it was a brave death, I wouldn't want to have died at the hands of misguided Aurors. I know that you love Remus, if he didn't die with me please look after him for me. Remy is shy and holds onto his emotions, he had a hard time believing he is worthy of being loved because of his condition. He is terrified he'll hurt someone, James and I were the only ones he trusted because he knew that we would keep him from hurting anyone.

Moony is the one you have to be careful of, I hope you never see Remy like that. It breaks your heart to hear him scream when he transforms; I have watched over many transformations. I was the only one Moony trusted, he had a special bond with my animagus form. I wish you had the ability to transform to protect Remy but you didn't have the chance that we did.

Don't let him fall into depression please…if he does he can't fight Moony. I know that when I was locked up Moony wanted to break into Azkaban and free me. That terrifies me, Remy is so shy and Moony is the aggressive one; I don't want Moony to try to avenge me. I love them both too much…

I love you Tonks, my adorable cousin. Asking you to look after my mate is hard, but I know you love him too. He deserves to be loved, even if he doesn't believe it himself.

Your cousin,

Sirius'

She had read it multiple times, since she'd received it. Remus probably wasn't aware Sirius would have written such a letter. She had spent the full moon on the stairs leading to the Basement room that had been prepared for Remus. She hadn't slept much, his screams of pain and longing broke her heart. It had sounded like he was trying to break out as well as mourn his mate. She hadn't had to courage and didn't think she could handle actually seeing him transform. Could she handle letting herself get closer to Remy? Would Moony allow it? He hadn't seemed to care much for her before…


	2. Chapter One

Title: Living in the shadows

Pairing: SiriusxRemus

Fandom : HP

Notes: Obviously I don't own HP…if I had…well there would have been Draco and Harry in the end and not Harry and Ginny.

Chapter One

Twenty one years ago…

An eleven year old Remus Lupin stood at Platform 9 ¾ in King's Station, his trunk and owl beside him.

His mother wasn't very affectionate but there were tears in her eyes, she said quietly, "Remus…you don't have to do this. We don't care if you change your mind."

For a werewolf to attend Hogwarts or any magic school was a rare thing. His condition was only known by Headmaster Dumbledore and nurse Pomfry.

His father was a shy man himself, "You can come home anytime."

His parents only let him come because he had asked…Remus understood. He worried himself, would he have any friends? Did a monster like himself deserve friends?

They pushed him gently towards the train, his wolf had long ago learned to accept such touches. He had random moments where his wolf caused him to lose his temper but he was getting better. He grabbed his trunk, due to being a werewolf he was stronger then he looked and he could have carried his trunk but he wanted to fit in. He entered the train and made his way looking for some place with room for him.

There was a loud slap…

"I don't care who you are. Severus and I just fine by ourselves. We don't need you…"

A boy about his age had just gotten smacked by a girl with beautiful green eyes and reddish-blond hair, he laughed, "You are the prettiest girl here…" but she was already wandering off, the boy had messy black hair and glasses, he was cute. He bit his lip and looked at the ground.

A few steps were heard, a hand was thrust out beneath his nose, "James Potter…"

Remus looked up, "Oh…" his voice softly, "Remus…Remus Lupin…"

A taller boy was beside him, his eyes danced with laughter, "Sirius Black, we just met…"

Remus slowly shook James' hand, "What happened…"

James laughed, "The most beautiful girl walked passed me…we made a comment she didn't approve of…and well she slapped me. I promise you…before we graduate I'll date her."

Remus didn't understand why the boy thought that…Sirius was staring at him…it unnerved him..

James smiled, "Why don't you both come sit with me and Peter…"

Remus blinked, "Peter…"

James pulled them into the carriage beside them and pointed at the boy sitting there, "Peter Pettigrew, we've known each other forever."

Remus smiled shyly, the boy was tiny…and shy…he went to reach for his trunk but found empty space.

Sirius laughed, "I already put it up, you weren't paying attention. A trunk that heavy…a scrawny thing like you wouldn't be able to lift. What did you put in it rocks…"

Remus blushed, stammering, "No…just lots of books…"

Sirius chuckled, "Bookworm…nice…maybe I have a shot at passing…."

The ride to Hogwarts was better now, he didn't buy any sweets from the cart. After he was attacked he's had a hard time swallowing them. It was rare that a reddish Bernie Bott's bean was blood flavored; he was actually shocked that such a flavor existed.

Their area was filled with laughter, both James and Sirius were loud and loved to laugh. Peter and himself were shy but they seemed to be able to open them off.

James grinned, "tell us about yourself…"

James was an only child…his entire family had been in Gryffindor…and he expected to be to.

Sirius had a younger brother was going to beattending in two years. The taller boy had more muscle then he would have expected for an eleven year old. His whole family was in Slytherin but he didn't want to be. He wanted to start a new tradition, he joked about trying to convince the hat to put him in the same House as James.

Peter stammered that the hat made it's own choices…

Remus spoke softly, "I think my mum was a Gryffindor but father was in Hufflepuff…I don't care which I end up in."

Sirius said in a snobby voice, "Don't wish to be in Slytherin…I don't think much of those I know will be in it."

Remus stared at the other, he seemed like a different person when he talked like that…he wasn't sure he liked it.

James punched him, "Don't get all high and mighty Black…"

Sirius snorted, "Good thing I have you around to knock me down a bit when I do…"

Remus had a feeling as soon as Sirius stopped acting weird that they were going to be good friends. He just hoped they never found out his secret…he had almost three weeks until the first full moon of theschool year. He hoped they weren't smart enough to figure it out…they were all good looking he felt almost plain and that made him embarrassed…


	3. Chapter Two

Title: Living in the shadows

Pairing: SiriusxRemus

Fandom : HP

Notes: Obviously I don't own HP…if I had…well there would have been Draco and Harry in the end and not Harry and Ginny.

Two years later…

Remus was escorted out to the Whomping Willow by Nurse Pomfry who let him call her Poppy. He smiled wearily at, "Thanks Poppy…"

She shrugged and sealed him in…

Remus was along, it wasn't as scary beneath this strange old tree as it was the first time…

His friends worried about his disappearing for five nights every month or so…he told them he was fine. He tried to act fine but he was always sore and tired when he returned the morning after a full moon. It was scary how attentive they were, then again they shared a dormitory.

He was become more aware of his feelings…James and Sirius were attractive but Sirius was the more attentive. He tried to tempt him with food he liked when he joined them for breakfast and insisted on being study partners. James, Sirius and himself aced DADA, he and Sirius always had top marks in Charms, Sirius and James were brilliant at Quidditch and Transformation. Remus was the only one who did well at History of magic. It usually fell to him to edit and offer suggestions for all of their papers. Peter barely passed anything and was always in James' shadow. James kept trying to get Lily's eye but she was always with that Slytherin Snape who was like a god at potions, even though she was a Gryffindor. Only Sirius was any good out of their group at potions…

He shook in the cool dampness beneath the Whomping Willow and its tunnel to the Shrieking Shack he hated this curse. He howled, whimpering in pain as the first part of the transformation.

Remus was unaware they had followed him, that they heard him…

He felt his spine pop and then realign, his hands turned to claws and he was on all fours. He threw himself at the walls of the tree. It hurt to transform…to lose control to the wolf…

He still tried to fight it…not wanting to win…even though he lost every time…and always would…

In the morning he awoke to see Poppy standing over him with dittany and potions, he shook from cold. She held out a robe, he caught a shimmer beside her as if the air moved and faint gasps. James? No…he wouldn't be here…it looked like the cloak…

He coughed drinking the healing potions and let her rub the medicine onto his bruised and broken body. When he felt like he could move, he stood slowly and wrapped the robe around his body.

Poppy led him out of the tree and he made his way towards the castle, when he was alone he heard his name, "Remus…"

Remus turned slowly, wincing, "James…"

The cloak slid off revealing James and Sirius…

James' eyes were filled with sorrow but Sirius' eyes held something else…

Please not pity…

James rest a hand lightly on Remus' shoulder, "Why didn't you tell us…aren't we friends…"

Remus shook, "I didn't want you to hate me…I'm a monster…"

Sirius laughed, "Remy…a monster? I'm scarier then you…"

James smiled, "You'll always be our friend…"

Remus hugged them, his hug with James was longer because he wouldn't react…

Sirius the playboy of Gryffindor smiled at him, "Come on…we all need a shower and a wake up potion…"

Remus shock his head, "I'm fine…"

It wasn't the first time that they walked him back the morning after a transformation.

XoooooX

Not long after they'd walked him back that first time, Remus' friends were starting to be secretive, they finished their homework really fast and were sneaking off. They would be having a conversation but would change the subject when he would show up. It hurt…what had he done? Did they decided he was unsafe to befriends with…

He went to bed early and sobbed softly, losing a friendship with Sirius hurt the most…he pretended to be asleep when they came up.

Sirius whispered, "We have to tell him…we're hurting him. James you know I like your idea and we're working so hard but please I don't like hurting him…"

James shook his head, "You read the same books I did; you know we aren't fast enough…we have to be fast or it will never work. Sirius is the fastest and the strongest but we need to be faster."

Peter gulped, "I still don't like this…it's too dangerous."

James laid his hand on the shortest boy, "He's our friend…he's lonely…he's scared. He needs us…if our plan works you'll safe, you're tiny…"

Peter whined, "James…"

Sirius walk over to Remus' bed, "I'll protect you Remy…promise…" his voice so low only a wolf could hear.

Remus blushed, "you're too good to me…" he slipped into a dream his wolf approved; filled with heated kisses, touches that burned and familiar eyes. It wasn't until he woke and he took one look at a sleepy Sirius that he realized…Sirius had been in the dream…that's when he fell off the bed in shock…

Sirius was there in an instant checking him for bruises, "Are you okay…"

Remus' body tended to get weak as the full moon approached, he tended to fall or trip more often and his friends ended up having to save him. He blushed, "I'm fine…I'm just a little disoriented this morning."

The look in Sirius' eyes suggested his words weren't completely believed…Remus stood slowly took a few deep breathes before walking to his trunk to dig out his clothes. He always dressed without looking at his friends, he was ashamed of what they would say if they knew….

Yes Remus Lupin the werewolf was gay…and he had the hots for the Playboy of Gryffindor. He closed his eyes and cursed himself. He'd been raised among Muggles he knew very well the prejudices of being attracted to men when you were one. He was a werewolf and everyone hated them…he was better of alone.

He spent the next few weeks barely speaking to anyone and practically burying himself in his studies. When Sirius asked if he could help he snarled at him, "Back the hell off. I don't need a mother…"

Sirius turned four shades of red and left the library, James's face was filled with confusion as he glanced at Remus and Sirius' retreating back. It was the day before the full moon again…that must be it…

When Remus woke up he was in the lap of a sobbing Sirius , he stared at him. "What are you doing…" being naked with the person you want more then anything holding you was not something he was ecstatic to wake up to…

Sirius blinked, "I thought I hurt you…"

Remus stared, "What are you talking about…"

Sirius turned red, "Yesterday, after you yelled at me…I lost my temper with Snivellus…I told him something I never intended. If he thought your illness was so fascinating he should follow you himself. I never expected he would do it. I saw him on the map heading for you…I was so afraid you might hurt him. It would be my fault…" if Remus attacked another student he would be thrown out of Hogwarts…

Remus pushed him away, "He knows my secret? Sirius…how could you do that…I hate you…"

Sirius stammered, "He never saw you…I swear it…I was almost too late…I knocked him out first. My size helped. Unfortunately James and Peter had to clean up my mess while I distracted Moony."

Remus glared, "Moony…" then he realized that Sirius had claw marks on his chest and arms, he sobbed, "Merlin no…what have I done…"

Sirius sighed, caressing one of Remus' newer scars, "This…is mine…Moony enjoyed it…"

Remus stared at him, "Moony…"

"Your wolf Remy…he can be quite entertaining. I never changed so fast before…"

"What are you talking about…"

Sirius shrugged and turned into the largest black dog he'd ever seen, "Remy…meet Padfoot…"

Remus reached to stroke the soft warm fur, "You're…"

"An animagus…so are James and Peter…James is a stag…I call him Prongs…and Peter…is a rat. We need someone who could get to the knot to still that damn tree. Besides, Peter would do anything for James. I swear that runt thinks James is god or something…"

Remus cuddled into the warm body, both he and 'Moony' were comforted by his presence. "You promise I didn't hurt him…"

Sirius chuckled, "Yes…apparently Moony find Padfoot attractive. Being a Black has it's perks…we can be quite kinky…and I must say Moony is intriguing…"

Remus coughed, "Intriguing? He's a monster Siri…look what he did to you…he might have bitten you…"

Sirius licked the deep scratch over Remus' nipple, "He won't bit me…I can't vouch for anyone else though. I had Moony pinned, the wounds are superficial he didn't really hurt me. I kind of liked it…" a blush covered the large boy's cheeks.

Remus stared at him, Siri couldn't LIKE him could him? This was too much…

There was a noise of someone coming…

Sirius grabbed James' cloak from where he stashed it last night and hid in time to avoid being seen by Madam Pomfry.

Remus was in shock, "Morning Poppy…" he accepted his potions and the robe, "Thanks…I needed these…" he was slightly overwhelmed this morning and was shock to sense calm from his wolf. What the hell had Siri done to him? Sirius was waiting for him sans cloak inside the Castle waiting for him…he blushed slightly, "Hey…"

Sirius' eyes sparkled with mischief, "Hello yourself Remy." he smirked at Poppy, "I'll make sure he gets up to the Tower and gets a decent breakfast…"

Remus shifted nervously.

Pomfry nodded, "Make sure he takes it easy…he's not well…"

Sirius never let on that he knew the truth about Remus' illness, "I always do, we're best friends…"

Remus blushed as Sirius' arm rest on his shoulders, "You don't have to…shouldn't you be getting those taken care of…" his claws had slashed Sirius…

Sirius shrugged, "I knew it was a possibility, it comes with the territory. If they are treated then I can't hide what they are or how they were made. I made plenty of healing and energy potions, I'll be fine…"

Sirius had a gentle side…but apparently he also had a deviant side. Remus let Sirius take him up to their dorm, it was still early and everyone should be asleep.

Sirius pushed Remus towards the shower, "I'll get you something comfortable, it's a weekend, so you can rest. James can have a house elf bring us a tray."

Remus blushed, letting the robe fall to the bathroom floor. He stood for a minute and let the hot water relax him before he slowly washed his body. He was tired and sore, he ran soapy fingers over his skin blushed as he brushed the fresh scars on his body. He dried and turned to see Sirius staring at him, he blushed, "Siri…" his private nickname slipped past his lips in a whine of embarrassment…

Sirius grinned, "No need to be shy…I came to give you some clothes…" he handed them to his friend, brushing his check with a kiss, "Get dressed and come lay down with me…" if he was sleeping with Remus as if they'd fallen asleep together like they'd been talking. James was going to have his head for his pathetic little stunt with Snivellus…

Remus dressed and went to sit on Sirius' bed.

Sirius lifted the sheets and patted the space next to him, "You need rest Remy…last night was hard for you. I'm sorry…."

Remus slid beside him, "Don't think I've forgiven you for putting Snape in jeopardy…" he gently caressed one of the claw marks beneath Sirius' shirt, "But…perhaps, Moony punished you…"

Sirius moaned softly, "If that's his idea of punishment…then I'll spend every with you in the Shrieking shack when you're detained in the Shrieking Shack."

Remus blushed, "If that's what you want…"

Sirius wrapped an arm around his waist, yawning, "It's what we both want…"

Remus fell asleep with a smile on his face, his friends really did cared about him…


	4. Chapter Three

Title: Living in the shadows

Pairing: SiriusxRemus

Fandom : HP

Notes: Obviously I don't own HP…if I had…well there would have been Draco and Harry in the end and not Harry and Ginny.

It had been two weeks since he'd woke up in the Shrieking Shack in Sirius' arms; and he still felt guilty about the claw marks on Sirius…

Until he realized Moony hadn't done it out of maliciousness…he'd marked Sirius and Sirius marked him back. He'd blushed like crazy when he realized it. Moony wanted Padfoot…as much as Remus wanted Sirius. This was not happening…it was too unconventional…Sirius' mother would kill him. No one in their right mind would allow their child to mate a monster like himself.

He didn't pull away when Sirius touched him but he did freeze; their fingers brushed each other when they walked to class, their thighs pressed together at the Gryffindor table during meals, their hands touched briefly and their eyes met when they studied. Remus was self-conscious and only bathed with the other boys around when he was awake enough to use a glamour, no point in them being convinced he was abused. Sirius' wounds were hidden by the same manner, Sirius wasn't ashamed of the scars but he was terrified of getting Remus in more trouble. Sirius had also began to sleep walk into his bed the last few nights, waking up in Sirius' arms would be pleasant if he didn't wake up with a little surprise. He was too shy to solve the problem with his crush in his bed holding him so he'd learn a spell to get rid of his 'little problem'.

A soft moan from Sirius startled Remus, he asked softly, "Are you awake Siri…"

"Ngh…yeah…you're warm…you know that…sorry about ending up in here again. I didn't do on purpose…"

Remus blinked, "It's…fine…" being called warm again made him nervous…"

Sirius snuggled, "Reminds me of…" he whispered in Remus' ear, "…reminds me of waking up with you after that long night with Moony…"

Remus blushed, "Siri…"

Sirius asked softly, "Um…if I liked you as more then a friend…would you be upset with me…"

Remus gasped, "Uh…no…" he'd never expected to hear that…

Sirius lifted his chin, "Good…" he claimed the shocked teen's lips with a hard kiss. Blindly reaching for Remy's wand to cast a privacy spell.

Remus moaned softly, "Siri…" kissing Sirius was heaven…

They kissed for a while before Sirius hugged Remus to his chest, "Go back to sleep Remy…it's a Saturday. You can do your homework after lunch."

Remus blushed, "Okay…" the playboy of Gryffindor was taking it slow…that was nice…


	5. Chapter Four

Title: Living in the shadows

Pairing: SiriusxRemus

Fandom : HP

Notes: Obviously I don't own HP…if I had…well there would have been Draco and Harry in the end and not Harry and Ginny.

Mentions of kinky Moony and Padfoot sex- I do mean the werewolf and Sirius' animagus form, the Grim. If you don't like don't read...also almost fourteen year old Remy gets his first hand-job and Sirius calls himself Remus' boyfriend...

*hides* I spoiled the whole chapter didn't I? Oh well...

* * *

After about six months of cuddling and kissing, Remus woke up in the Shrieking Shack in Sirius' arms. He snuggled, "Morning Siri…" he was sore, exhausted and…there were new scratches on them both…

Sirius woke up blushing, "Hi…" he was sore and rub a new deep scratch, "…Moony got a little frisky late night…sorry…"

Remus blinked, "What…"

Sirius blushed, "Moony isn't patient like we are…"

Remus covered his mouth with his hands, "Siri…I'm sorry…I didn't know…did he hurt you…"

Sirius shook his head, "I sort of like it…" his mother would die a thousand death if she knew her eldest son got fucked by a werewolf when he was in his animagus form. So what, this was Remy and he knew Moony came as a packed deal.

Remus said quietly, "you're a pervert you know that…"

Sirius kissed him, "I belong to you remember…it's not like I haven't thought about doing it with you. I just don't think we're ready for it. I'm barely fourteen, you won't be fourteen until summer. Wolves mature faster then boys, it calmed him so I let him. If he's calm, he doesn't try to bite me and I don't have to hurt either of you."

Remus kissed him back, ignoring the fact that they were both naked this time, "Just…don't prefer Moony to me…please…" he begged.

Sirius shook his head, "He can have designs on Padfoot but I want you…there are things we can do that Moony can't…."

Remus bit his lip, "What would that be…"

Sirius kissed him, "I could…you know…touch you…you're sexy…and it's getting hard not to want you, Remy."

Remus felt blood rush to his groin, he mumbled, "Hell…do you have to talk like that? I spend every other morning casting cold shower curses on myself…"

Sirius caressed his thighs, "Why? I'm your boyfriend…"

Boyfriend? Sirius had never said that before, sure they cuddled and snogged, Sirius still sleep-walked into his bed…but they never said they were dating. Feeling those strong hands calloused from playing Beater running up and down his thighs made his prick harder, " Siri…please don't tease me…Poppy will be here soon…"

Sirius kissed him, "I got my fun last night…you don't remember…so I want to give you something special…"

A warm hand started to stroke Remus' member, at first the movements were slow to get him used to being touched so intimately. He moaned, "Siri…this isn't a good idea…" but it felt good…his face was red from embarrassment…but he couldn't actually tell him to stop…

Sirius's warm hand stroked him faster and soon Remus was whimpering into his boyfriend's mouth as he came. He'd only given in and touched himself no more then three times…but this was better…

Sirius cast a privacy spell, broke their snogging session to watch Remus come…

Remus thrashed, groaning as he came…

Sirius banished the mess and disappeared under the cloak as he ended the privacy spell just in time to hear Madam Pomfrey's familiar steps.

Remus lay on the floor of the Shrieking Shack overwhelmed and severely unhappy to be alone right now.

Pomfrey knelt and handed him potion after potion until he felt better, the familiar robe having been dropped on him long ago.

Remus' keen sense heard Sirius' soft shuffling step as he followed them out and then ran ahead to meet them. He pretended to be surprised when Sirius greeted them and offered to make sure he got a little more rest and food.

Pomfrey disappeared and they were alone…

Sirius pulled him close and kissed him, "Knowing you're still naked under those robes in making me want to touch you again.

Remus blushed, "Siri…"

Sirius dragged him up to the bathroom, transfigured a shower into a bath and stripped before sinking into the hot water. "That feels better…"

Remus sat on the edge of the tub, "Are you sure Moony didn't hurt you…"

Sirius shook his head, "I'm fine…come here…" he hide them from sight with a spell and reached for Remus' hand…

Remus slipped and fell in robe and all on top of Sirius…

Sirius whimpered, "Ooff…"

Remus gasped, "Are you okay…I'm sorry…"

Sirius kissed him, "I'm fine…I didn't mean to make you fall in. I was a little shocked to have a lap full of a sexy wolf…"

Remus blinked, "Siri…"

The robe was tossed on the floor and Sirius ran his hands over Remus' chest as he kissed him, "I'm the only one who gets to see the real you…" he gently caressed every scar, memorizing it…he ran his thumb over the bite mark on his boyfriend's shoulder. "…is this it…"

Remus closed his eyes moaning as Sirius touched him, he stiffened as the older teen touched the spot that marked the change in his life, "Yes…that's where he bit me…"

Sirius kissed him, "you're safe…trust me…I really enjoyed last night…so don't be too upset. When we're older…we'll have our own moment like that…"

Remus rest his cheek on Sirius' chest and let his friend touch him, "we should go lay down before the other wake up…"

Sirius sighed, "Fine…" he Acioed towels and waved his wand over Remus' wet robe muttering a drying spell. He untransfigured the shower into a bathtub, dressed and led Remus back to his bed. He curled up beside him, "Rest…"

Remus fell asleep on Sirius' chest, it was nice…but not before he stole Sirius' wand and transfigured his robe into shorts and a shirt. He didn't want to get caught sleeping practically naked with his boyfriend.


	6. Chapter Five

Title: Living in the shadows

Pairing: SiriusxRemus

Fandom : HP

Notes: Obviously I don't own HP…if I had…well there would have been Draco and Harry in the end and not Harry and Ginny.

Mentions of kinky Moony and Padfoot sex- I do mean the werewolf and Sirius' animagus form, the Grim. If you don't like don't read...also almost fourteen year old Remy gets his first hand-job and Sirius calls himself Remus' boyfriend...

*hides* I spoiled the whole chapter didn't I? Oh well...

* * *

It was the day before the full moon and his parents has decided it was best to lock him in the basement. They hated being around when he transformed. He knew they loved him and he hated to cause them trouble but he was lonely, the basement was warded so he couldn't leave as well as soundproof…

Bloody hell Moony was rubbing off on him, he whistled for his owl, Acioed a quill and parchment, he'd gotten better at this wandless magic stuff not that he'd admit it in polite company. He scribbled off a note to Sirius, begging him to sneak off for a visit. It was summer, he was bored and he missed his boyfriend. All his summer homework was long since done.

He was fifteen and horny….

Moony was a terrible influence…he still wasn't sure if James knew about them. They were careful…Sirius was practically living with their friend anyway.

It was two whole hours before he got a reply,

I'll Floo at 6. Love you Moony.

Padfoot…

Remus knew that was Sirius saying he wanted him…he just sometimes wondered because Moony was more…aggressive and sexual that Sirius liked his wolf better. They'd been dating since September of their third year and it was almost their fifth year. He always apologized for not…wanting to take it farther then kissing and hand-jobs. Sirius said he was willing to wait…that he wasn't going to push…

Bored, Remus muttered a Tempus spell check the time, Sirius would be here in half an hour…

He was wearing comfortable clothes; an old shirt and pair of shorts he didn't care if he lost…

He stare out at the bright sky as he waited for his friend…

There were shuffling steps and then a familiar voice, "Remy…"

Remus grinned, "Siri…I'm in here…I can't get out…"

Sirius walked right through the wards, "James didn't mind if I came…Lily was coming to help him with Potions homework. He said you shouldn't be alone…he laughed and said you growled less when I'm around to keep Moony happy can you imagine that…"

Remus blushed, "You're a strange one Siri…"

Sirius pulled him into his arms and kissed him hard, "Merlin I missed you…" they slid down a wall, Remus in Sirius' lap, "Fifteen…Remy…if I'd gotten you alone for five minutes…I'd have given you the best birthday present of your life…"

Remus blushed, "What would that be…a new book…" he teased…

Sirius groaned, "You and your books…I had a better idea…I sort of wanted to…you know…take our relationship…to another…level…"

Remus blushed, "What? You don't mean…shagging…do you…"

Sirius shook his head, "Of course I want that…just…not yet…I wanted to…you know…be the first person to…suck you off…"

Sirius' stammering and nervousness was cute…not that Remus would dare tell him that…

Remus kissed him, "I might consider it…I may or may not transform tonight. Mum and Dad won't be here for a few days. They hate being around me…unlike you who has an unhealthy obsession with Moony…" when they were alone Remus was witty and fun, when they were around James and Peter, Remus was shy and tried to be the voice of reason with Lily, the recent addition to their group to remind the Marauders to study…

Sirius groaned slightly, "Inviting me because you want me or because Moony does…"

Remus smirked, "A little of both…Moony does seem calmer when you're around."

Sirius blushed, "Yeah…probably…that's because he has the hots for Padfoot…"

"And I enjoy having my boyfriend around and waking up with him…"

Sirius kissed him kissed him, "Your boyfriend missed you…" his fingers playing with sandy brown hair, "Get ride of the glamors…I don't care what the others think…" he tugged off Remus' shirt, "I think they are sexy…" he caressed the scars he knew he'd made, "I know the real Remy…I like knowing you trust me…"

Remus chuckled, "Perhaps I do trust you…not so sure I trust Moony…"

Sirius caught a glimpse of Moony in Remus' eye, "He's definitely coming out tonight…he's probably annoyed with me again for missing our dates. He knows I'm all his…James belongs to Lily. I live with James so I smell like him. I would never cheat on Moony…or you Remy. I belong to both of you…"

The honesty in Sirius made one forget he was a Black and the first Black to not get Sorted into Slytherin…

Remus grinned, "I want that present you were mentioning…"

Sirius nodded, "Okay…" he pushed Remus on his back, "Trust me…" he removed the boy's shirt, kissing the pale skin, "I missed you so much…you're gorgeous Remy…" his Quidditch calloused hands caressing Remus' thighs, "It's an honor to be with you like this…"

Remus moaned softly, "Mmm…we missed this…"

Sirius kissed up his boyfriend's body, licking and sucking on Remus' nipples, pressing soft kisses to every scar. "He gave you new ones…"

Remus moaned as he felt Sirius' hand on him through his shorts, he had been too lazy to put on boxers before he was locked in here…

Sirius chuckled, "Nothing…interesting…" his hand slipping inside his boyfriend's shorts to touch his eager prick, "Hard yet soft…I like knowing I'm your first and only…"

Remus blushed, "I'm glad…we don't want or need anyone else…" snagging one of the so called hottest guys in school was an accomplishment for the boy.

Sirius kissed him, "I like touching you…"

Remus' eyes flashed, he growled slightly, "Don't tease me…I want what you promised…"

Sirius chuckled, "Okay…" he removed his clothes with a simple spell and transfigured them to a mattress. Sirius knelt between Remus' thighs, his face red and his smile trembling, "I hope I'll do a good job…I've never…done this before…"

Remus ran a gentle hand through his hair, "I know…" Sirius was the only person they would let touch them like this….

Sirius gave Remy's cock a tentative lick…

Remus moaned, "Ngh…" it was a different but enjoyable feeling…

Sirius slowly licked Remus a while, treating him to light kisses before getting comfortable to actually take him in his mouth.

Remus tried very hard to stay still…but he couldn't prevent his hips from moving in an effort to force Sirius to give him more. He was still shocked at the aggressive reactions he'd been as they became closer; was it Moony or was it a part of him he was startled to realize existed?

Sirius took more in his mouth, "Mmm…"

The slight humming sent Remus over the edge, he came with a loud cry, "Siri…" the suction increased, instead of disappearing. Sirius was going to…

Sirius choked a little but most of Remus' cum ended up being swallowed…

Remus lifted the strong boy's chin, "Siri…you didn't have to…"

Then familiar lips were pressed tightly to his, "I wanted to…" was whispered.

Sirius was too sweet….why did he put up with him? Remus kissed him, "You sure you want to be around when Moony comes out…" it was getting darker…

Sirius kissed him, "I told you…Padfoot can handle him. He missed him…he won't hurt us."

Remus said softly, "I have a hard time trusting him…"

Sirius smiled, "Then trust me…I know I can handle him…"  
Remus could feel the pull of the moon getting stronger, "You promise you'll be fine…"

Sirius kissed his nose, "I promise…we'll just both wake up with more scratches then we have now."

Remus snorted, "Thank Merlin for Glamor spells…"

Sirius asked softly, "So…it was good? I can…do that…sometimes…if you like…"

Big tough Quidditch Beater Sirius Black was nervous and shy when discussing sex…interesting since he used to 'date' a new girl every day and was called the Playboy of Gryffindor for years. Now everyone wanted to know why he settled down and whose bed he was gracing. No one had figured out it was his best friend, the shy bookworm Remus Lupin…who also happened to be a werewolf…

The sky was darkening at an alarming rate and the pull of the moon was getting stronger as I felt it start climbing the sky. I looked at Sirius, "Back up…please…you better transform before I do…" I hated telling him to go away but I thrash around in pain too much when I transform and I don't want him to get hurt when I'm still conscious enough to remember. It's bad enough knowing what Moony does to Padfoot…and not actually remembering it…

We sit in silence, the floor beneath me getting colder…I'm already missing Siri…then…the pain starts. I scream doubling over as my body starts to change. I think I heard a sob…it must be my own. At some point I start to black out…Moony is getting in control…

Sirius…be safe…Moony if you kill him or bite him I swear to god and Merlin…I'll kill us both…

Then nothing…

Sirius' late birthday present was quite enjoyable…definitely made up for the fact that his wolf had gotten to enjoy a side of Sirius that Remus barely dreamed about. The sensations were making him quite hard and he liked that. Then a loud groan escaped his lips as his cock disappeared between those perfect lips…


	7. Chapter Six

Title: Living in the shadows

Pairing: SiriusxRemus

Fandom : HP

Notes: Obviously I don't own HP…if I had…well there would have been Draco and Harry in the end and not Harry and Ginny.

Mentions of kinky Moony and Padfoot sex- I do mean the werewolf and Sirius' animagus form, the Grim. If you don't like don't read...

* * *

Even in the summer Sirius made sure to keep most of our 'dates'…he got the afternoon of the full moons with Sirius and Moony had the evenings with Padfoot. Well he had the hours after James and Peter snuck back into the castle; Sirius supervised his transformations and then when Moony was calm enough he brought him out to play. Apparently, James, their Stag Animagus best friend could hold Moony off if he got upset until Padfoot could calm him down. Padfoot was the only one who could seem to keep Moony from being too aggressive.

He was still worried about Moony hurting them but Sirius promised Padfoot never would; Remus didn't trust Moony but he loved and trusted his boyfriend, Siri promised to be safe…

They'd been dating since Sirius saved Severus from Moony…he somehow managed to protect his secret. He still worried that the nosy Slytherin will figure out his secret and cause trouble. He would hate to be sent away…he relied on Sirius to keep him strong…

Just because one is a werewolf doesn't make you like the monster who destroyed his normal childhood…

Remus loved Sirius, so much…they still hadn't progressed to full-on shagging…but he wanted it and he didn't care what anyone thought. Okay, he sort of did…James was still hyper focused on Lily when it wasn't the full moon. The Full Moon was Marauder only time, Lily was an honorary member but they tried to keep her from knowing his secret but being the brightest witch in her year she probably knew but didn't mention it.

He was sure James was somewhat aware that he and Sirius were seeing each other not that their friend said much about it. He still wasn't sure what the Wizarding Communities take on being gay…he hadn't really asked Sirius. His boyfriend was from an ancient pure-blood family so he would know right? What he wanted more then anything was a family, his had fallen apart some what when he was attacked. He knew his father blamed himself, they had been camping when it happened. His mother had found out…after…his father had shown up at Hogwarts after it happened. He had begged his former Professor who was now the Headmaster to help his son.

Remus had been explained his condition when he was eight…it had been a terrible thing to have to realize. He'd barely been told he was a wizard and forbidden from using magic outside the house and never when he was alone or near an open window where the neighbors could see. Sometimes growing up around Muggles can be a problem…

Sirius slipped into his bed, still asleep. He kissed his boyfriend's cheek and snuggled, "I love that you want me to be close to me even when you sleep…"

He dozed off and was woke up later to feel Sirius's morning wood pressed against his own. He moaned softly, "Siri…"

A soft giggle sounded in his ear, "Took you long enough to notice…should I help you with that…" there was a hand cupping him through his pajama pants, "Merlin, Remy…I love you…"

Remus pressed against his hand, "Please tell me you used a silencing spell…"

Sirius smirked, "Of course I did…we wouldn't want to disturb James and Peter…"

Remus groaned as he felt a hand slip inside his pajama pants and stroke him, "Siri…" he started to stroke his lover as well, "I love you too…"

Sirius bit his ear, "You want me to suck you again…"

Remus glared, "Of course I do…only if I get to suck you off too…"

Sirius flushed scarlet, "You don't have to…"

Remus snickered, "I want too…"

"If you insist…but I want to make sure you enjoy yourself first…"

Remus glanced up at his lover, "Do as you like…."

Sirius chuckled, "Always do if it pleases you…"

Remus bit his lip as his pajama bottoms were tugged low enough to free his erection and Sirius took it into his mouth. Merlin, his lover was good at this…hell…

Sirius knew just how to make him feel amazing…it wasn't long before he came. Sirius was careful to swallow all of his essence and then crawled up to kiss him.

Remus kissed him back softly as he reached into to Sirius' pajama pants to take his member and started to stroke it…

Sirius groaned softly against his neck, the Beater was putty in his hands. Few would ever imagine that it was Remus who was the more aggressive one in the relationship. Sirius cared far more about Remus' pleasure then his own so Remus had to make sure that Sirius knew how much he loved him. He worried that Moony's monthly 'dates' with Padfoot were far more intense then Siri let on and that's why his lover was taking it slow. Few couples went this long before shagging…

When he sensed Sirius was hard enough, he rolled them over kissing his boyfriend.

Sirius groaned arching into his touch, "Remy…you don't have to…making you come…is enough…"

Remus kissed his way down Sirius' chest, "Hush now…just let me do this. You take such good care of me…let me take care of you."

Sirius groaned louder, "Remy…" his voice trailing off as he felt a tongue on the sensitive skin of his member and a hand cupping his balls. He didn't last long, as soon as he felt the warmth of Remus' mouth he came hard…

Remus licked his lips and curled up on the other, "Mmm…love you…"

"I…love you too…lets try to rest a bit before breakfast…"

XoooooX

He really wanted to shag him sometimes…he knew that he would be the first…if you ignored Moony. Then again Moony shagged Padfoot which was a different form but still Siri, at least Siri had all his memories of being Padfoot. Remus had none of being Moony…he always worried that Moony would hurt Sirius badly. What would he do with Siri? Fear clutched his heart, sometimes he was terrified he'd lose his mate. Mate…that was how Moony felt about Padfoot. He loved that the boy he loved was also craved by Moony. He would hate it if the werewolf part of himself craved someone else.

James as usual was wrapped in Lily except during the Marauder Time, he was starting to settle down. He was getting better marks then usual, it was rumored he'd end up Head Boy and Quidditch Captain their last year. Remus was already a Prefect and that was how he made friends with Lily.

The up-tight Muggle-born witch was amazingly talented at potions, if he couldn't be paired with Sirius he wanted to be paired up with Lily, they kept him from blowing up cauldrons and exasperating Professor Slughorn.

He loved Siri…he hoped it wouldn't take them too long to feel comfortable shagging. He had finally discovered that somehow…the Playboy of Gryffindor had remained a virgin. Which pleased him immensely, now Sirius had managed to snog as many girls as he could before realizing he was in love with Remus. He worried that Sirius had moved out because his mother found out about them…

He would hate to be the reason his lover had lost his family…


	8. Chapter Seven

Title: Living in the shadows

Pairing: SiriusxRemus

Fandom : HP

Notes: Obviously I don't own HP…if I had…well there would have been Draco and Harry in the end and not Harry and Ginny.

Mentions of kinky Moony and Padfoot sex- I do mean the werewolf and Sirius' animagus form, the Grim. If you don't like don't read...

Remus and Sirius' spend Christmas together...

* * *

It was Christmas break, Peter was heading home to his mother's and James was going with Lily to met her parents officially. The girl had finally taken a liking to James after he shaped up during sixth year. It was now their sixth year, Peter was growing distant…which was sad but he still showed up for 'Marauder time' during the full moon.

Which left them alone in their room in the tower…

Christmas…together…

What Remus wanted most was to make love to Sirius…and to have Siri make love to him…

Those were his Christmas wishes…

If Sirius shared those wishes then he would be happiest boy in Hogwarts…

XoooooX

Remus woke just before Christmas Eve to Sirius in his arms, he smiled nuzzling the Beater, "Merry Christmas love…"

Sirius woke slowly, snuggling close, "Remy…"

Remus kissed the scarred skin of his lover, "Morning Siri…I wanted to watch the sunrise with you…come…" he opened the bed curtains to see through the turret window, a faint glimmer of light on the horizon.

Sirius protested weakly, "It's too early…"

Remus said softly, "If I can't share the beauty of the moon and stars with you…can't I share the wonder of a sunrise…"

That woke Sirius, "I'm not a girl…you don't have to try to be so sodding romantic…"

Remus chuckled, "It's Christmas, I'm allowed to be romantic if I choose. Siri, I know better then anyone that you are no bird, so come on…"

Sirius blushed, letting Remus lead him toward the window.

Remus rested his chin on Sirius' shoulder, his arms around the other's waist, "Mmm…this is nice…"

Sirius smiled, "Yeah…it is…"

The sun rose slowly, faint fingers of light reaching into the darkness growing broader and moving closer together. The dark blue turning to purple then to a faint pink and finally the faint grey-blue of a winter sky that promised snow.

Sirius barely breathed, "It's beautiful…"

Remus nuzzled his neck, "That's why I wanted to share it with you…"

Sirius turned to kiss him, "Thank you…"

Remus kissed him back, "I was thinking about what I wanted for Christmas…I decided, all I want for Christmas is you. If you're ready…I want to make love to you…"

Sirius stared at him, "That is what you want…"

Remus nodded, "Yes…more then anything…"

Sirius closed his eyes leaning back against the surprising strong teen, "Then…Merry Christmas…if you're ready Remy…so am I. I've wanted this for a long time…"

Remus turned him around, "So have I, I love how it feels to be with you; cuddling, kissing, as well as the other things we've done to show how much we love each other."

Sirius smiled, "I do love you…I trust you completely…"

Remus asked softly, "When do you want to make love? We can make love when you are comfortable, I want you to be relaxed. I don't want you to feel pressured to do this."

"I know…we've waited long enough. Come…we both want this…" Sirius led him back to the bed, pulling Remus on top of him. "I would only allow you to do this…to dominate me…"

Remus paused, covering Siri's body with his own, "I do not wish to dominate you as you put it. We're equals Siri…my body is as much yours as yours is mine to pleasure. We are both blokes my mate, I would not ask you to let me to do anything I would not allow you to do to me."

Sirius nodded, "I know…I want no one else."

Remus kissed him, "I see my future with you…" his hands roaming under Sirius' shirt, caressing his muscular torso and each scar. "I want to be with you very much…

Sirius kissed him back, moaning softly.

Soon they both lay on Remus' bed naked, Remus kissed Siri's thighs, stroking his lover's member as he began to prepare him. He'd cast lubrication and relaxing charms to help ease Sirius's future discomfort before he'd pushed that first finger past that tight ring of muscle.

Sirius moaned, "Remy…"

Remus nipped his thigh, "I'll be gentle…"

"I'm not breakable…I…" he blushed, "…I'm not used to being prepped…I can handle it…"

Remus growled, "A werewolf wouldn't take the time to do it…probably don't have the dexterity for it. I'm Remus right now…I want to prep you…I like the intimacy of the act. Besides…" he wiggled his fingers trying to coax a moan out of Sirius.

Sirius gasped, "Aaahhh….besides, what Remy…"

Remus smirked, "Would I know there this is…" he slowed his fingers to caress the spot, he liked Siri' reaction to being touched here…

"Remus…please…"

Sirius would deny that he whimpered, this little spot converted the big strong Beater to a whimpering mess. It must feel really good to be touched like this, he thrust his fingers in deeper teasing the spot, "You look so good right now…I want you so much…"

"Then stop teasing…I can take it…I can handle being fucked by a werewolf so I can handle it from you.."

Remus growled, "Fine then…I wanted to take it slow."

Sirius bit his lip, "I'm not a girl Remus, if I haven't been broken yet I doubt that it will happen. I need you to not treat me like glass…I don't like that. I'm a bloke…I don't need to be treated gently…"

Remus cast a lubrication spell on his member, "I know you aren't a girl…and you are not weak. I'm your lover….I know those things…I just want it to be perfect…"

"Then stop treating me like a child and fuck me damn you. You know how much I want this…"

Sirius wasn't really a virgin, Remus knew that…he just didn't want to hurt him. He wanted to please his lover and make their first time together special. He gave in and gave Siri exactly what he wanted, he moved Sirius' legs so they rest on his shoulder. He could see everything and he liked that. He kissed him hard as he plunged into the Beater's body groaning, "So tight Siri…"

He heard a gasp, "That's…why Moony likes fucking me so much…Remy…"

"That's why I'll enjoy this too…" his thrusts were deep and aggressive.

"That feels good…don't stop…Remus…"

Sirius held out longer, while Remus managed to come twice before they collapsed.

Remus let Sirius' legs fall to the bed, "You're amazing…"

"No…I'm not…Merlin…I didn't think it would feel so good…you wore me out Remy…" Sirius gave a satisfied sigh, "I don't think I'll be moving for a while…you gave me a proper shag and I'm tired…"

"Good…I'll want to do this often…"

Sirius snuggled, "Maybe I'll take you up on the offer of shagging you next time…"


End file.
